An Update

Hi everyone,

As many of my followers and regular readers have probably noticed, I haven’t written anything in a very long time. In fact, my last post was four months ago, in May! (For your reference, my last serious article at was from a year ago!) Don’t worry – I have not abandoned writing, and nor do I plan to do so anytime soon. The simple fact is, I’m in high school now and also attending the pre-college at the Manhattan School of Music, and I just don’t have much time for writing.

Of course, I’ll still write from time-to-time, but don’t expect polished articles complete with references that are free from typos! I’ve got a draft at the present moment, which is far from complete – refuting the alleged “heresies” of certain documents from the Second Vatican Council, which I began to write after being attacked by some schismatic “traditionalists” on-line. And another one defending Paul VI’s Missale Romanum – but that one is still in the very beginning stages.

Recently, I’ve begun to wonder about what I’m doing with my life, and what I am going to do in the future. God called me to begin spiritual writing, but this doesn’t mean He’s telling me to do this forever. As for what I’m doing right now (aside from school and music), I’m teaching myself ecclesiastical Latin and reading a lot of Church history as well as looking for a way to begin theology while still in high school. Becoming a canon lawyer is a possibility, and certainly not out of the question!

To sum it up (before I begin rambling about some other topic), I’m probably going to take a long break – perhaps until Advent begins at the very least. Thank you for your consideration.


Love of God and Neighbor

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31). Sacred Scripture teaches us that love for God and neighbor (to be understood not only as our actual neighbors, but as our fellow human beings) can never be separated, and these two are considered the greatest commandments. What exactly is love, and how are the two “loves” – love of God and neighbor – interrelated and inseparable?

Love, simply put, is consistently willing the good of the other. To will and choose our neighbor’s good not only includes goods such as health, happiness, and salvation; we should also desire to give our very selves. “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:8). This explains the meaning and importance of communion and covenant. Marriage can be understood as a covenant, the combination of both willing the good of another and the total gift of self. Because God loved us so much, Jesus was willing to give up Himself – and die horribly on a Cross – for our salvation. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

To love God – since He is pure goodness itself – therefore means to love what God loves, which is, of course, our neighbor’s good. We also love God through obedience, for Jesus said that whoever loves Him will keep His commandments (John 14:21). In this way, we are giving our very selves to God, and He will have our hearts. Another way to give ourselves to God is to give ourselves to our neighbor. Jesus says that “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40). To love God means to love our neighbors, and to love our neighbors means to love God. Therefore, we have come to a full circle.

Love for our neighbors and love for God are inherently interrelated to each other. This is why, it seems, that the Cross is often called the symbol of love. The horizontal beam represents our love for our neighbors; the vertical represents our love of God and our relationship with Him. The higher we move in our relationships with each other, the higher we move in our relationship with God. The higher we move in our relationship with God, the higher we move in our relationships with each other. This is why Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).

The Choice to Love

Some choose to love because it sounds so beautiful and appealing, and indeed, it is, and no one is going to contest that. But love involves sacrifice, and above all, suffering. Some follow the path of love without – at least in the beginning – being aware of this fact. But even when we do know, and understand, we should still make the choice to love.

Christ tells us many times in the Gospel that inevitably, those that follow Him will be persecuted or rejected by others at some point in their lives. Suffering is inevitable in this broken, fallen world. It is not worth giving up love out of fear of suffering. When we avoid the painful side of reality, we do not see the world from an honest perspective, and therefore we miss out on the joyful side of reality as well – the joy that can only come through great suffering. For the best, as they say, it attained only through great pain.

Love is often accompanied by great suffering, yet it is still better to love and suffer than to never have loved at all. In love one can make mistakes and yet still be forgiven, and through suffering one can expiate for those mistakes. This, I believe, is why even when we know – we understand – that following God (who is Love) is difficult, we should choose it anyway. Living a life of love will – inevitably – bring suffering, and even when we know and understand this, we should still choose love, in spite of everything.

We Will Never Be Bored in Heaven: The Concepts of Completeness and Incompleteness

Eternity is a long, long time. “Long” isn’t even a remotely adequate word to describe eternity. Eternity is infinite. How difficult it is for our limited human minds to grasp the concept of eternity! Most of us would agree that eternity is a wonderful, blissful thing. Who wouldn’t want to spend an infinite amount of time in the presence of our God, who is Love itself (1 John 4:8)?

Yet sometime we may find ourselves wondering, But what if we get bored in heaven? Imagine if we went to heaven today. A billion years from today (measured in human terms only, of course, since time is nothing to God), we would still have the same amount of time to worship God as we did the first day we arrived. Wouldn’t we get bored?

Let us not forget that we worship an infinite God. There is eternally more to be discovered, more to be known about Him. God is fundamentally mysterious (Job 11:7). For the rest of eternity we will forever be learning more about Him. A billion years from now, we will look back and think, How little did I know of Him back then!

Our souls are also eternal. We will forever be having an increasing desire for happiness, and for fulfillment, and God will eternally satisfy this. There is always more to know, more to discover, and therefore we will never get bored in heaven.

On earth, we are always – even if only subconsciously – trying to resolve contradicting ideas, trying to find an aesthetically beautiful relation between all things. Throughout history, we can see that people have always had this desire; the longing to find Truth has always been inherent in the human heart. Often times, people have wondered, what is the ultimate fulfillment? Our hearts have an ever-increasing desire for fulfillment, for completeness. At the same time, however, we would also like to make sense of all the incompleteness we find in the world, and in ourselves.

Now we have a pair of opposites: completeness and incompleteness. Let me now digress for a few moments.

When opposites are reconciled with each other, beauty is created. This is true in all forms of art: to name a few examples, uncertainty and certainty, yielding and steadfastness, agreement and disagreement. Uncertainty can be expressed through dissonant chords and harmonies to create the feeling of tension, and certainty can be expressed with consonance. In counterpoint, oblique motion occurs when one voice moves in one direction, either up or down, while the other voice doesn’t move at all. Agreement can be expressed with parallel or similar motion (voices moving in the same direction); disagreement with contrary motion. However, as any good teacher of counterpoint will tell you, sometimes consonance (agreement) can only be maintained through the use of contrary motion (disagreement).

These principles are clearly applicable in our daily lives. We cannot know for sure about everything that will happen in our lives, so in that sense we are quite uncertain. Yet when we trust God, we are certain that everything will turn out fine if we follow His most perfect and holy will. Sometimes we must yield to other people, to accept what they are saying, and this also means accepting criticism gracefully. Yielding can mean respecting others’ desires and making the sacrifice to please others before ourselves. Yet sometimes we must remain firm, especially when we are defending the truth of God and His holy Church. As for agreement and disagreement, sometimes we can only maintain peace by accepting that we can’t have the same opinions and viewpoints, and respecting that.

God could be considered to be the God of opposites. How else can we reconcile His love and mercy with His wrath and justice? These are not contradicting things; they in fact complement each other. As I said previously, beauty is created when opposites are reconciled with each other. Is God not the ultimate beauty, then?

Now let’s go back to completeness and incompleteness, and how it relates to the fact that it is simply impossible for us to ever get bored in heaven. Eternity with God is, obviously, our ultimate fulfillment. Eternity is complete. Yet eternity, simply put, will last forever, so in that sense it is incomplete because it never will be fulfilled by anything else.

And this, my friends, is why eternity is such a beautiful and appealing idea. This is where our souls find the fulfillment to all our desires, in the presence of God. We have always wished to see contradicting things reconciled together, becoming one in an aesthetically beautiful way. Eternity with God is the ultimate realization of this desire. We will continue to have an ever-increasing yearning for fulfillment (incompleteness), and God will infinitely satisfy this desire (completeness).

This concept is indeed difficult to grasp, and I fear I have not adequately explained myself. In fact, I don’t even think I understand completely. (Of course! We’ll only understand when we’re in heaven!) Who am I that God should reveal such things to me and ask me to share this with others? But let the words explain for themselves; no more explanation is needed.

Proof of God’s Existence

Plenty of people in the past have gone great lengths to prove God’s existence. The fact is that no matter how much proof we can come up with, we can only become aware of God’s existence after feeling His presence in our lives. No one has ever been converted by a logical argument, but by God’s grace. We can evangelize all we want, but the truth is that we are only instruments of God’s love, and only He, ultimately, can convert sinners.

However, there is proof that God exists, although it is inevitable that many people will reject this evidence. I am thinking of writing an essay entitled “Music, Theology, and the Meaning of Life”, which will explain the connection between, well, music, theology, and life; indirectly, I will also offer proof, using the principles present in music, about God’s existence. One of these principles is the “unity of opposites” – in other words, when opposites are reconciled with each other, beauty is created. This is inherent to all beautiful music. Without understanding this, how can we reconcile the opposites found in God Himself, for example, His justice and mercy? If bringing together opposites creates beautiful music, than is God not the ultimate beauty, then?

And now we reach the most convincing evidence: if everything on earth, even those things that at first appear to be contradictory, are inherently related in a beautiful way, then can anything be proved by itself? No – everything on earth can only be understood in relation to or in context of something else, often times their opposites. Good is the opposite, and absence of, evil. Darkness is the opposite of, and the absence of, light. In fact, the path to light is to be aware of darkness.

If nothing can be proved on its own, then there has to be something that is infinite and that can be proved by itself in order for everything else to exist. This is God. He doesn’t need to be proved like everything else. He simply is and always will be. As He said, “I AM.”

Did God create everything, as we say every Sunday in the Nicene Creed? After seeing how opposites prove that God exists, we can easily reach the conclusion that God is the “maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.” And He created us.

Using my example about light and darkness, again, in order to understand light we must understand what darkness it. But in order to understand what darkness is, we must understand that it is the absence of light. How do we understand one without understanding the other? It is impossible to understand either of them without understanding both of them.

A word in the dictionary can only be explained by using other words from the same dictionary. So how on earth did we even learn and develop any languages at all? Sometimes to define a word, we use a synonym of that word. We cannot understand either word by itself. We can only understand both at the same time.

So why can we understand both, and how both are in relation with each other? It is because God created us, our minds, and our souls. Since God is infinite, this is why we eventually realize there must be something beyond this earth. Something – or someone, rather – that is making it possible for us to understand something and its opposite at the same time.

Do you see how wonderful God’s creation is? How beautifully organized it is? This is why “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Genesis 1:31).

Real Happiness is Found in God

Before I begin, I would like to give all of you a little bit of background information. For the past three years, I have noticed that when summer ends and autumn rolls around, I tend to get a bit depressed. Perhaps the word “depressed” is a bit extreme, but I cannot think of any other word to describe this…feeling…I get during this time of year. It’s a very strange feeling like something is missing, unfulfilled, and it’s quite unpleasant and overwhelming. And, while trying to avoid feeling this way, I try to bury myself in my work and forget the world. I haven’t really found a definite reason why this happens to me, but at the end of this article, I will propose a theory.

Three years ago, I moved from Edison, New Jersey, to Warren. I was in fifth grade, and moved shortly before school started. Since everyone else in my classes had known each other for years, it was very awkward being new. Perhaps the changes were too overwhelming? Perhaps that’s why I felt something was missing? Anyway, the main reason why I was so upset was that since I was new, everyone tried far too hard to “help” me. As someone who has always been ahead of others my age, I resented their “help”, being arrogant. In any case, I was an atheist back then, and of course the Holy Spirit was not yet in me.

Two years ago, I started middle school. I don’t really remember the details of that time, but perhaps the spiritual struggle had already begun at the time. Either way, the feeling of emptiness reached its peak at the end of summer or the beginning of fall, and then I managed to push away this “feeling” once I got used to all these new changes. At this point, I was starting to believe in God but still was an agnostic.

During this time last year, I had recently read a book about New Age theories and was doubting my new belief in the Christian God – at this point I had decided that God was real and that Christianity was real, but I was uninformed and didn’t know much about the faith. I wanted to go to church but my parents didn’t believe in God. So what was I supposed to do? As I started to notice my sinfulness, I became worried that if I didn’t make my faith “official” I was going to Hell.

No, the so-called depression was certainly not due to drastic and overwhelming lifestyle changes. It was due to the fact that I was trying to be happy but didn’t know what – orwho, rather – could and would make me really happy. And that, obviously, is God.

Our society tells us to do what we feel is right for ourselves, and to do whatever makes us happy. The Catholic faith is counter-cultural, and secular society thinks we lead restricted, boring lives and aren’t getting any pleasure from life. However, the opposite it true. Society’s definition of “happiness” is the superficial definition. True joy is more than temporary pleasure. When a lot of people nowadays think about what makes them feel good, they think of things like money, getting new clothes, living in a big house, buying a new fancy car, etc. But these are worldly pleasures that won’t last – and time and time again, as we try to make ourselves happy with worldly things, the excitement soon fades.

What we, as Christians, think of as “happiness” may seem strange to secular society. We believe that happiness comes from God (and seriously, never try to live your life without God or you’ll end up in my past situations!). The real peace and joy that comes from God alone will survive any troubles that life sends us while we are on earth, and we will experience its fullness in Heaven.

Many people think that God created commandments to place restrictions on us. However, this could not be farther from the truth and the opposite is actually correct. Jesus became man and died on the Cross to free us from our sins. Likewise, God does not wish to place too many restrictions on us, but to set us free not only from sin, but from society’s judgement. When we focus on God and His love, we see ourselves the way He sees us, not the way society views (and judges) us. Are we really so insecure as to rely on society to tell us what to do? Remember that society’s judgement, especially with morality, is not necessarily correct (although there are “universal principles” that we call common sense; for example, murdering people and robbing banks are just wrong). Once we stop worrying about what other human beings think of us, but what God, our creator, thinks of us as one of His children, we can truly be set free and really be the person we are. We should be the person God intended for us to be, not the person society has formed from its own incorrect judgements.

So that had been my problem all these years; I was seeking happiness on my own, without God. But when we really stop and reflect, we will realize how empty our own pleasures are; they only seem to be meaningful while we are still on this earth. But we were not created to live in this world for all of eternity, and I’ve realized this at last as something I didn’t know for the past three years. As Saint Thérèse of Lisieux said: “The world’s thy ship and not thy home.”

What Defines “Success”?

God works in mysterious ways indeed, and while we are still on earth there are many, many things we don’t have the capacity to understand yet. And this issue, naturally, is addressed in Scripture. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Sometimes we feel that what we do is meaningless, and it isn’t going to get us anywhere. But how do we, as human beings, define being “successful” as? Are you successful when your work brings you approval from other people? As you successful when your work brings you money or other worldly pleasures? If so, this is very dangerous.

For example, a website that receives 100,000 likes per month is not necessarily better, from God’s perspective, than one that only receives around fifty. What the people in our society think of us is not exactly what God thinks of us! And, as I said earlier, there are dangers to measuring our success by human standards. We may start indulging in what appears to be confirmation of our greatness from other people.

Since success should not be defined by human standards, is our work really meaningless as we feel it can be? Not necessarily. If it is truly meaningless and even harmful, then hopefully God makes this clear to us. But sometimes we want to give up doing something because we feel it is a waste of time and fruitless, yet we know there is a higher power that is urging us to continue, not matter what. So what are we supposed to think in this situation?

I would like to share with all of you an excerpt from my novel, Missa Solemnis, that I hope will adequately express what I am trying to say. In this particular scene, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, one of the characters, feels unappreciated. While he feels ready to give up, one of his friends offers him advice as tells him that he should continue to do what his conscience is telling him to do, since it is God’s will, though not necessarily what he believes is “meaningful” from a human perspective. (And, as one of my friends pointed out, I might have made a reference to 1 Corinthians 12 without really meaning to!)


Mozart sighed and put down his pen. He turned and looked at Franz, who was busy working. “What’s the use?” Wolfgang heard himself ask.

Franz looked up, startled. “What are you talking about, Wolfgang? What’s the use of what?”

“What’s the use of working so hard? I’m not appreciated here, and my music isn’t even performed so much anymore. My job at court pays only eight hundred gulden a year!”

How could Mozart’s great talent, and the utter beauty of his music, be so unappreciated, treated so carelessly by those who should know better? Wolfgang was almost living in poverty, and he was starving. What does this mean? Franz wondered. I know it’s merely our job to create, but do we always have to pay with every fiber of our beings? He’s working himself into the grave! Unless…

“Who says you aren’t appreciated?” Franz asked. “Whether it’s now or in a hundred, or a thousand, years, you’ll be appreciated. Besides, the less our reward here, the more we get in Heaven.”

“Do you really believe that?” Wolfgang turned around to stare at him. “Do you really think God planned for me to unappreciated, and then…?”

“Look at it this way,” Franz said. “Maybe we’re just contributing to something greater, but we just don’t know it. It’s probably part of God’s plan, and someday we may know why things happened this way, since everything happens with a reason. When you were a child, did your father tell you everything he had planned for your family? Probably not, since he knew what he was doing and didn’t need a child’s limited viewpoint. Isn’t our viewpoint limited compared to God’s? He knows what He is doing and doesn’t need our opinion on this, but everything will turn out fine.”

Franz’s explanation was convincing, but something else was on Wolfgang’s mind. “Franz, I had a weird dream last night. Before I tell you…well, I feel like I’m writing this music just to give it away, and that I’m not earning anything from it. I dreamed I was growing flowers and that I had many assistants helping me with this. I was growing all those beautiful pink flowers just to give them away!”

While Wolfgang was still puzzling over this, Franz immediately understood. “Wolfgang, pink is the color of love. You were growing pink flowers and giving them away to show your love for others.”

“But what about the assistants?” “Going back to what I said about God’s plan…these assistants probably represent other musicians over the world, who are contributing to this plan. Don’t you see, Wolfgang? You could get a government job to make Constanze and her mother happy, but you don’t! Why? Because you were born to give the world your flowers of love, expressed through music.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Wolfgang said. “But still, even if things are really like this, I still need to get a commission and earn some money. I’d still rather not end up on the streets!” He lowered his voice. “The other day I applied for position of Second Kapellmeister, under Salieri. It was, as usual, to no avail.”

He returned to his work.


Roses. Just roses. Everywhere Wolfgang turned, he saw nothing but roses. It was beautiful, but he didn’t know what to make of it. What is the use of working so hard? Wolfgang wondered. I never keep any of my roses; I grow them just to give them away! But somehow I know this is what I was made to do, to give out my flowers of love, in spite of the fact that I am living in poverty.

He turned around and saw some people standing near the fence to his garden. What are you doing? Wolfgang called out.

We’re here to help you, responded one young man. All of us will grow flowers of love and release them into the world to give the world beauty. Why else are we here, on earth?

And everybody who walks upon the earth is different, replied a young woman who looked not much older than fifteen. I see that every flower here is different; different colors, shapes and sizes. But they’re all the same in another way, they’re all beautiful. Let us show everyone that they are all different from each other, like these roses, but that they’re all beautiful and special in their own ways, all as children of God.


“Wolfgang?” Franz asked. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Wolfgang blinked and was startled to find himself sitting at his desk, holding his pen limply in his hand.

“I kind of lost you for a second,” Franz explained, relieved. “I was talking and you were staring at me, but your eyes had this blank look…”

“Oh, sorry!” Wolfgang exclaimed. “I was daydreaming and thinking about my dream from last night. After hearing what you said…I understand. When the group of people came to help me with my flower garden, there were two people in particular who came and spoke to me personally, a man and a woman. Now I realize they were supposed to represent you and Dorothea.”

“Truly?” Franz asked, suddenly interested. “Tell me about it.”

“You told me…” Wolfgang whispered, “We are all here on earth to give the world beauty. Dorothea said she had noticed that all the flowers were different in certain ways, but in other ways they were the same… Just as we, as people, are all unique, but all are the same as children of God.”



This quote from 1 Corinthians proves that there is not a single person in the world that is useless, because nothing that God does is meaningless. Therefore, from a human perspective, although our work can appear to be useless at times, if it is God’s will and He is the reason why we do what we do (hopefully!). It is my hope that my writing can share the Good News, but if someday God tells to find some other way to do this, I’ll follow Him. I know I shouldn’t follow my own will, but God’s, for “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). Sometimes I may think it is in my best interests to do a certain thing, but God knows me better than I know myself. And God will never ask you to do something useless as well – as long as it is for His glory, what you’re doing will help yourself and others, even if you don’t see it now.


From an earthly and human perspective, one could argue that even Jesus was a failure! Jesus obviously had valid reasons to tell those He had healed not to tell anyone that He was the Messiah. Of course, everybody would misunderstand, just like Peter did. One could have expected Jesus to lead a rebellion against the Romans and win a victory, but he didn’t! However, Jesus’s death on the Cross did us more good than if he had won a victory against the Romans (or anything else, for that matter)! It seems that the Cross was a failure, but God had his own mysterious plans and we don’t understand. Something that seems to be one thing on the surface can actually be quite the opposite. When we determine our success by how much money we earn and how much adulation we get from other people and from society, we are, like Peter did, “thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”